If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she peed on how many people?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
