capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
