what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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