so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
