I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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