oh god the rape fog is back!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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