Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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