Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
