I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
