dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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