Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
