Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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