You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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