Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
