i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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