I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize