Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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