i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Randomize
