She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
