It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
