my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
