i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize