ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
