You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
