ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
