I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize