i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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