the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
