you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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