why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
