I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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