I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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