she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
