goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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