The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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