Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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