You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
