did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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