Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
