We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
