i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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