Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
