i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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