I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
