Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize