I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
