nut hugger
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize