Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
