apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
