If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
