My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
