i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize