if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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