I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
