I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
