I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
