i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
