bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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