Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
