could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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