This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
