you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
