I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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