Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
where does the pee come out of this thing
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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