So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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