She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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