i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
