I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
