Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
