Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
