We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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