we're blogging at a bar
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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