the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want to make out with him forever
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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