you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
