smell my finger.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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