don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
