you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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