she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
