I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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