apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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