he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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