I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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