Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
